Author: KurtAMaus

About KurtAMaus

I live life like a wandering shrew. I eat mostly spider babies for superhuman seed. I guess If I had a regret...

Script Part 2 (Franco-Mercedez)

 

Baby Come on

 

Travolta graham

 

Copter drop in

 

Panama canal

 

New migs

 

Wait, is this happening right now?

 

I finally got up to speed, sir.

 

Okay, you can start processing applicants.

 

What I heard is I was assisting the drug war.

 

You mean you’re the new drug dealer?

 

How many shipments do we have here?

 

48, sir.

 

Soo… 13 by boat?

 

45 by boat.

 

Shouldn’t \We be using our helicopters more?

 

Kurt, sell panama 15 migs for 3 million a piece.

 

Done.

 

Haven’t seen socom in a while.

 

How long you been down there, dude?

 

The shipment arrives tomorrow.

 

You mean the drugs, or the helicopters?

 

YES.

 

Both?

 

YES MEANS BOTH (UNISON WITH SOCOM)

 

KURT!!?! You’re revealing your power?

 

Sorry, I usually only show Nina my dragon.

 

Oh, so we’re using real names, this fucking trip?

 

It’s winter, I started drinking again.

 

Dude, we’re like RIGHT ON the fucking equator.

 

So… oh yeah, my winters don’t mean shit till spring.

 

 

 

Welcome to com base.

 

The new arrivals will meet you shortly

 

(Prince harry lead mig)

 

Hey,. Bro.

 

Yeah, you mean dad?

 

You mean your duchess baby momma hatched?

 

It’s in the poop troupe.

 

(fishing out drugs)

 

You’d be surprised what the queen has up her sleeve.

 

Uhh… a cuff?

 

More like an upper fucking cut, beotch!

 

Is this shit totally seedy?

 

There’s like four thousand nuts on the bottom.

 

That reminds me of brazil.

 

The nuts?

 

No, our weed delivery.

 

Oh yeah, fuckin’ spaccas.

 

Alpaca?

 

Is this a new wine collection commercial?

 

 

 

Red or white.

 

Got any blue?

 

UV good with you?

 

I make rose petals to snort mid-june.

 

And that’s how and why I love you?

 

Kurt, are you fucking in this one?

 

I dunno, I hate to demolish the ratings…

 

(tank explosion)

 

6-Star General – WHAT THE FUCK, MAAAUUUS!!!!

 

Sorry, I fucking double loaded choke holed.

 

So the tanks fucked.

 

Thanks for showing so much compassion for me.

 

Yeah, obviously.

 

(on headset)

 

So where the fuck are you?!?!

 

Under the tank.

 

They told me, it’d rip your face off.

 

Just like you would?

 

No, just like the fucking tank.

 

You’re aware it wasn’t moving.

 

No…. Remember, the tranny hostage shit?

 

Oh yeah, practically the Cuban missle crisis all over again.

 

I could probably do like 18 documentaries on that.

 

And it was your dad?

 

My dad’s not an it, sir.

 

 

 

Fuck.

 

What now, shanglemire?

 

This hot shot deuce just rimjobbed me.

 

DRINK MOTHA FUCKA DRINK MOTHER FUCKA, DRINK!!

 

 

 

Kurt, are you a fucking pussy, drinking Smirnoff?

 

Tell that to mother fucking Russia, beeeoooottttcccch.

 

How bout you fucking lay low for a while?

 

Like, back to under the tank?

 

That’s not my game, deuche.

 

 

 

Did hillary realize how much cussing we do?

 

Yeah, I heard a good one.

 

If you cuss like a sailor, how’s the marine corp?

 

I was tugging on a drop line (snorts coke)

 

AND I GOT MY FUCKING ANCHOR STUCK IN A WHALES VAGINA

 

So you’re tugging up hard?

 

Well, I for one, am DRUNK.

 

Let’s go shoot something.

 

6-star, you up?

 

I just taste-tested this BITCH.

 

Pretty sweet, haw?

 

Sweet like your mother.

 

My mom actually hates sweet wine.

 

Fruity yes, sweet, no.

 

Wow, good taste.

 

(quick shots of like 40 lines snorted)

 

 

 

Gernade launchers lined up tank at bottom of hill slope

 

Ready? Fuck no, you get training with these?

 

I’m a fucking helicopter pilot, dipshit.

 

What, you didn’t take general seal training?

 

I’m fucking british dumbass!!!

 

FIRE!! 75 GERNADE ROUNDS

 

 

 

So you love the blowing up shit part of training?

 

Fuck yeah, (ain’t that America plays)

 

For you and me,

 

Something to see, babyyyy

 

 

 

Kurt, it’s 3:30.

 

PM?

 

Nope, we should get some sleep.

 

 

 

Kurt, it’s 3:30.

 

AM?

 

Is this CST, WHAT THE FUCK??

 

 

 

Oh fuck, we got colors dress today.

 

I told you not to go flourecent.

 

What’s the term?

 

DUCKWORK ORANGE.

 

 

 

FLAMING ORANGE SUIT.

 

ACT II

 

 

 

Obama, addressing the “war on drugs”

 

Somewhat of a concession speech

 

 

 

Kurt, what did this mean to you?

 

Uhm, The war is over?

 

So you don’t have more enemies?

 

In my mind, it went from four and a half million Neanderthals and vampires

 

To the airwaves are clear, it’s mostly just my kids getting schooled in video games.

 

That’s why I hear kids calling you an asshole?

 

Is BRAND here?

 

Yessir.

 

What happens when you call me an asshole?

 

I either shit myself, or you screwed cookies.

 

You mean I fucked your ass, regardless of if you had to shit or not?

 

Yessir.

 

 

 

SPEECH, SPEECH, SPEECH.

 

Is this a wedding? What the fuck?

 

You’re getting married sir?

 

It was HER idea.

 

We would like to say that the drug war is officially over.

 

Yeah, guys, the cops ARE the drug dealers now.

 

OOHHHH… (CROWD) AAAAAHHHH

 

 

 

(Top generals at tables

 

Panama right, US left

 

Cameo soup.)

 

 

 

Powell: kurt, how much are you paying us for this mission?

 

5/20/82

 

do you want that in coke or blow?

 

 

 

Obama back to podium.

 

The thing is, our animalistic nature craves drugs, so that we can discover how much more human our care and compassion for our brothers and sisters can be.

 

 

 

Lance Armstrong commercial

 

Lance, I’ll pay you 5.2 mill to never do drugs again.

 

Fuck off, major.

 

Majorly?

 

No. How do I retire?

 

Do you want to train guys to do drugs and amass muscle?

 

Like, get guys big?

 

Yeah, that’s what I do.

 

 

 

WHO AMONGST US, ISN’T PAJORALLY AROUSED BY SUBSTANCE?

 

LOVE. IMMACULATE UNDISCOURAGING LOVE.

 

MY PEOPLE, WE HAVE CONQUERED THE WORLD

 

ON THE WORK HORSE OF SOLDIERS,

 

I PROCLAIM THE PERFECT MEN,

 

MY LORDS AND SAVIORS.

 

Filming

 

5/20 – 5/31 Labor day week and end.

 

Cruise, goose, heather, john

 

dr phil judge judy cameos (both generals)

 

12 million 4 million general bonus, speaking 3.5 mill

 

a gift to british migs brigade (flawless in Afghanistan) 12mill

 

My greatest gift to my Panamanian home body wife.

 

I’ll make you a 4 star for this, your immaculate service to the world’s canal

 

Like your birth tube. 34 billion paid to panama, opening weekend.

 

 

 

WHAT, ARE YOU AFRAID OF FUCKING GEURILLAS?!?!

 

#NEWSCRIPT !!! (Panama-Venezuela) 5-20-14

 

Franco Mercedez

 

A druggie sequal

 

 

 

SO THE FUCKING DRUG WAR’S OVER?

 

YEAH, THAT’S WHAT I HEARD!!

 

 

 

SWEEEEEEETTT!!!

 

DUDE.

 

(rogan)

 

 

 

Kurt, last year’s shipment of drugs to vegas was 18.6 Trillion.

 

Are you okay with that, seth?

 

Yeah, I get like a gram and I’m fucking okay with it.

 

So the vegas gangs don’t come looking for you?

 

Not in my fucking tower, and I thought you killed them with dragon fire.

 

 

 

Can you define that?

 

Use it in a sentence?

 

THE dragon spirit, YOUR DRAGON SPIRIT

 

Annihilated them.

 

Yeah, you happy now?

 

Can I please just get a bigger office in that fucking monstrosity.

 

Whose window can you see out of to see it?

 

You’re right, I’m a dumbass.

 

Try and figure it out, so… downstairs, over that way?

 

 

 

Travolta (name on the door sticker)

 

So what the fuck is he?

 

Treasurer.

 

TREASURER? HE SAID HE WAS JOHNNIE CAKES.

 

 

 

And you’re still my boytoy?

 

I’m your baby brother.

 

Jesus?

 

Baby Jesus.

 

 

 

Richard dawkins, Pat sajak, PAAAT

 

 

 

The evidence is clear, the genetic mutation present in the lord, has given him all power and authority in the land.

 

 

 

VANNA, ARE YOU HEARING THIS?

 

I repeat, the category is Person

 

Uhm, I’ll solve, kurtassholemaus?

 

No, sorry, spin.

 

I’ll solve. KurtAntwonMaus?

 

You’re telling me.

 

Nope, wrong again.

 

3 spins later, Jackpot

 

Pat: if you guess this now, you MIGHT win the JACKPOT

 

KURTANTONMAUS

 

JACKPOT INSANITY

 

 

 

Obama to kurt:

 

Kurt, where is your present location?

 

Uhm… I’m watching price is right.

 

Ohh… Game Show Network.

 

Yeah.

 

I just got a report of 4000 caracan thugs on a boat to panama.

 

Shit, we’re out of grenades…

 

Oh… should we sink ship?

 

 

 

HEY CHAVEZ,

 

These your cousins?

 

Are they fucking high?

 

No, duh, dude, no duh.

 

(Spanish rambling)

 

They said it’s easier to steal off lazy ass Americans than pay for their own coke.

 

So they’re threatening us?

 

Yeah, kinda.

 

Is this an act of war? HEY, CONGRESS!!!

 

 

 

Nancy Pelosi: Kurt, we’ll vote.

 

All who say we should sink the ship vote aye.

 

Boehner, Kurt, we just ran through this hypothetical.

 

Yeah, I tell you guys preemptive information all the time.

 

Yeah, it’s our job.

 

So you WANT to sink their ship?

 

Did you send them to your location?

 

You know what we haven’t tried?

 

LASER COAST GUARD, big boat.

 

 

 

We’re in posisch, sir.

 

Congress, PASS!!

 

Okay, Aim for their ballast tubes. Make sure you melt the fuck out of ‘em.

 

Hugo, any last requests?!

 

FUCK YOU AMERICAN CUNTS!!

 

Steady… fire….

 

(boat sinks, guys swimming, like 4 rescue boats with one guy in each.

 

Guys all over the place in the water)

 

Okay, uh… migs, want some scatter fire?

 

Just all over, don’t pull up or shoot high.

 

FIRE AT WILL.

 

 

 

Kurt, there’s fucking dolphins eating caracan meat.

 

Oh, prescious is the food chain: WEB OF LIFE

 

 

 

Yeah, aww… darwin’s smiling down on you.

 

So the most diversified thing I could do is…

 

You mean you don’t change?

 

Uh, like, if I jerk off in my box more I get more soldiers.

 

Good for you, kurtie baby.

 

MAKE ME A COLONEL FOR CARACAS!!

 

(kurt-graham sex scene)

 

 

 

Hey, the last movie was violence, speech, what’s this one?

 

Mmm… more violence, more sex.

 

You want a threesome in there?

 

Like who?

 

Nina: KURT!!

 

Kurt splits a double, Shakes out a cushion.

 

There, babies…

 

Love, you, dude.

 

MAAAMMMIIEEMAAAAAMMIEEEEE!!!

 

LOVE!

 

(Rimshot)

 

WITH BABIES!!!

 

 

 

Panama queen.

 

Kurt, I’m smarter than I had you believe.

 

No, I knew your royal localized power.

 

So can their babies play with my babies?

 

Only on memorial day weekend.

 

Okay. Done.

 

Done…

 

And done.

 

 

 

ACT II

 

 

 

Obama, where were you on that one?

 

Uhm, I was watching jeopardy.

 

 

 

This person, chose the pen name Peter Farrelly,

 

Obvous to all myspacers.

 

 

 

Who is Jack Black?

 

No.

 

Who is Peter Jackson.

 

Nope again,

 

Who is …

 

Timer.

 

 

 

OBAMA: KURT!

 

WHAAAATTT!? DIDN’T YOU TRUST ME ON THAT ONE?

 

NO, I MEAN… you’re the answer.

 

You mean the question?

 

I thought I had the answer, which IS a question.

 

So who, was really on that boat?

 

Uhm, can we call laser sightings code reds?

 

We already established that.

 

So how many do we need?

 

Like 45 hundred.

 

Okay… one for every sea bearing country.

 

What does red on red look like?

 

 

 

I sent you nathalia and prepon.

 

I need MORE GINGER than that!!

 

Oh yeah, lohan is on her way.

 

So I’m giving blood this time?

 

How many times do I gotta tell ya.

 

Once, sir, once.

 

What I meant was, how many times are you blood letted?

 

For crops, once a season.

 

And then you eat like a starving vulture, no?

 

Correct sir, correct.

 

(scene shot with nat on my dick and prepon on my face)

 

(ends with lohan popping up from 6 star general’s desk.)

 

 

 

Sir, I found your screw.

 

(tazed) Uh, kurt, make me a screwdriver.

 

Out of your cock or mine?

 

YOU BETTER NOT JIZZ IN MY DRINK!!!!

 

POP, POP, FIZZ FIZZ, JUST WHAT I REALLY WANT, MORE OF KURT’S GIZZ

 

 

 

Cruise: (at computer layout, screen visible)

 

Sir, we got one coming in hot.

 

Lettuce!?!?

 

Uhm, they say their cabbage is really spicy.

 

OH YEAH, I DID THIS.

 

You ordered iceberg lettuce laced?

 

With what, you mean?

 

No, it’s obviously a gigantic salad with Thc leaves.

 

Yeah, it’s what I owe chavez.

 

So….

 

I work in triangles, tom.

 

Who was on that boat?

 

DON’T FUCKING ASK ME THAT AGAIN!!

 

Mostly prisoners? Some kind of batman setup?

 

SHITHEADS WHO WON’T WORK.

 

SO IT’S A SECRET CANNON FODDER??

 

What do you do with guys who try and fuck your ass every time you have sex?

 

Well, I CAN’T kill yOOUUou.

 

Oh, how’s dharma?

 

I thought she was shooting that presidential drama.

 

I thought it was a comedy.

 

Tom, who’s a perfect threesome with elfman?

 

Uuh… graham?

 

CORRECTOMUNDO SOLDIER!!!

 

HOORAAAH, TIN SOLDIER!!!

 

HOORAAAH SOLDIEEERRRSS!!!!!

 

 

 

Six star, morning. (palmer, plumbob, bellhop plumber)

 

Kurt, so what did chavez order the Russians?

 

You thought that cabbage was Russian?

 

It tasted like fucking horseballs.

 

I’m so attracted to you when you say naughties.

 

Will you quit acting QUEER and answer the damn question??!

 

It’s between chavez and putin, why don’t you just ask them?

 

So you don’t know?!

 

SIR, SHOULD I BREAK THEIR FUCKING CODE WHICH IS THE SAME FUCKING CODE AS OUR CODE!?!?!?

 

OH yeah… thanks for the correction.

 

Nobody has balls to hide shit from you?

 

(on headset) Putin?

 

YOU GET MY CABBAGE?

 

Uh, we’re almost done processing.

 

Freezer bags, right?

 

I suggested body.

 

Of Christ?!

 

Is it INSTANT GIZZ!?!?

 

You’re so obsessed with gizz, dude.

 

Yeah, it’s my manhood man present for babies.

 

I always felt like I was riding a 3 legged horse.

 

More Armstrong jokes?

 

No, my arms are strong.

 

 

 

(Arm wrestling in the bar, mostly general class)

 

So you’re a one, sir, mr. universe?

 

Arnold schwarzenigger: No, I’m a number two.

 

So what are you doing here?

 

Uh.. kurt said I could jack a lack with the new wind turbins. Anywhere in the world.

 

So you pump a switch, and you get like 8 and a half million for it.

 

I need it to feed my babies.

 

You guys caught an eagle yet?

 

Transmission: Bunker house 2 this is schriver speaking:

 

Kurt, don’t let him come back with resilliance this time.

 

I think he’s pretty bright.

 

No, I mean, like your Chicago anti-static thing.

 

I put one in our house, maria, in your shower.

 

So those waterproof buttons I was afraid of?

 

Yeah, it’s either more or less static

 

And I contact whom to say when I’m good.

 

Uh, it’s auto leveling, like, chipper, balanced ph.

 

 

 

(Arnold jacking a switch like 8 times,

 

Databases light up all over and up and down a hallway, blue, some orange, like 3 red.)

 

 

 

(chavez at home, bathtub handle breaks.)

 

MAUUUSSS, HOW COULD YOU… AYE DIOS MEEEAAAA!!

 

(Transmission) Sir, I made you a boat.

 

Oh, thanks, I was royal commander of the navy since conception.

 

Yeah, I know, I was mainly railroad.

 

Fucking spazz ghost boy, we got like 4000 pictures that are still classified.

 

Oh, shit, sorry, this is kind of my coming out year.

 

YOU’RE QUEER FOR ME!??!

 

NO, JUST YOUR PRIVATES.

 

You want a dating service?

 

I can usually get in their pants with three simple questions.

 

What are they?

 

It’s still classified!!!

 

WIKILEAKS, HEY, WIKI, I’LL GIVE YOU 12 MILLION TO LEAK MAUS.

 

NOOO, YOU FUCKERS!!!

 

 

 

I’LL SUE!!!

 

 

 

You’re sue? No, I’m heysue.

 

Oh, shit, recall blackout.

 

ANY MORE QUESTIONS AND I KNOCK YOU OUT.

 

With what?!?!

 

Uh, I dunno, your fucking 15 oscars!?!

 

 

 

Please, the glue is super strong…

 

Well, I can tell your dream award is country music!

 

FUCK YOU CMT!!!

 

(plays out with Portman singing wee-eee are never, ever, getting back together)

 

Nat!! I’m late, had to tie one off.

 

I almost thought you were serious.

 

My old camera from my mother.

My old camera from my mother.

I think to sell you in a garage sales

Thinking about all the pics I took of volleyball,

Zero interaction with fans,

Just another fly on the wall.

Somewhere out there,

There’s a girl

Wishing to be my dark smear

All over facet

Faucet and fauna falls hard this month

To fly along the boundary

This town and next.

What the fuck, comma, great over?

I guess shit’s fucked up in denmark again

This world treaty pisses me off every time

If you guys weren’t so fucking conceited about your…

Makeshift plans with me

Yeah, guys, it’s my doody.

Howdyyy

Duty.

 

Insane insemination for them,

More cost for produce for me than ever.

Thanks for the summary.

You enacted the slaughterhorse

Impregnation ritual,

And somehow, the country was stable.

I only fucked those with big enough holes for my

*GIRTH*

*birth)

what’s it worth?

 

I’ll give you 800 pennies

On a slot machine,

If you blow me six times

Between the bad beats.

I’m fucking soully jerking off

Just to the thought of your drums

And if anybody elses’s semen

Wants to dance,

I’ll toss around fleeting

Heartstrings.

Back to the mother tribe,

My ondaga divide

Lord love and heaven,

They thank me for my fearless attitude

You’ve got your troubles, I’ve got mihihihine

You’ve got your troubles, I’ve got mihihihine

My mommy spirit hates when I don’t clean out my nose.

BLOW, AAAND… BLOOOWW!!!

LIKE I waited all afternoon for this.

2:00 wakeup call.

Banker insurance go figure.

35$ down payment.

 

When I said clean up the streets, I meant with dryer sheets.

 

The more I blow out into this tube,

The more my future wife

Feels like sucking cock

So when those times you feel hot and heavy,

Aka: horny

Then suck something out my butthole

For the toilet is my trainer

Heading victim

For 69er

;p

 

DON’T PLAY THOSE GAMES WITH *MEEE*

STILL WORKING ON BOOGERS.

WHEN YOU’RE A SINGER,

YOU KNOW YOU GOTTA CLEAN YOUR BOOGERS.

IT’S like having the nostrum piercing

Q tipping around the massive hole

 

That’s really phallic, lord.

I know, but that’s what you asked for, lord.

I’m a double Lord.

Transaction complete

This bitch has been working the nine iron all afternoon

Should we praise and give thanks?

OH GREAT TITLESS WONDER

I’M TRYING TO GET YOU PREGGERS

JUST SO YOUR TITS GET BEGGAR.

MEMOFROMROME

You assbasket, I like how your hair has outgrown.

Should I “just a trim”

To get totally annihilated?

If I don’t hate my dentist,

Why would I prepare to even *THINK*

I like my barbarista

Clowns, clowns, clowns.

PEACE WITH THE MEATMAKER!!!

Because the greatest love of all

Because the greatest love of all

Is happening to me – eee.

Like I just busted a nut after pulling out a 38” waist

That’s what love is to you?

Mines sipping on tea with 11 cats in the box.

Or a crank vile file

Ripping up the new lawn

With a john deere green

 

Do you like it when people say

“I digress”

I’m not even sure what it means

But they got off topic

Like they were Regressing

No, I’m just guessing.

 

How about some solid evidence?

I take sleeping pills.

I’ve said it a million times.

People look around and wonder

What’s happening to this bright kids’ mind?

Control alt delete

Like I don’t as much give a fuck

And I slept today till five

After waking up twice to take my anti-psychotics.

The “psychotic” things I used to do are dirty shitters.

Only 36” though

The fat girl boned up

Like my dick is ¾ as hard as it used to be

But I don’t really test it on anyone

Besides me.

 

Let’s pay for mags that are good twice

Instead of investing in friendships

And just play shit head games on the internet.

No. it was for a higher purpose

The calling of a dove

Killed for being productive.

I guess the nothing I would have done all morning

Went into dream state

Usually vibrant

But still somehow numb.

To the feeling

And domination of little women

Seemed like what I was going for

And the dumb cunt out her building, WOULD NOT: shut the fuck up.

I’M resorting to a stroh’s light from 3 summers agod.

I’M resorting to a stroh’s light from 3 summers agod.

It’s aged beyond agoe

Aloe wine cheeses and booze

Stuck in the meaty blood potion

Stomaching a fernbrew

Jag of the generalist judge

The tricounty ruling was pretty much automatic

But if the woman wishes to see me

Then I’ll appear in blue dark spiral

The storm in my armpits is going postal

Viral

Invietro inutero

I feel my nuts pumping for ego

The superbaby of another age

And lineage of culture

That’ll I’ll desire my heartest to know

I dearly beloved you

And they leave like miscarriages

Just like the worst of all

Coathanger abortions

IED IUD

They’re the same thing if momma

Gets smoke blown out her ass

And the coming to’s of this decadence

Deer prudence.

 

Cherish the moments we spend together

I’ll mostly be sleeping or arousing school

The warrants for my arrest are all tried out

Except a judge of southern florida

Who did not recognize my BIMINI as a kingdom.

Jayla, what’s procedure on this?

“JUST WAIT FOR THAT OLD BASTARD TO KICK THE BUCKET!”
NO ACTION TAKEN

counter suit

then neither does this amernica exist

and I declare war on all judges to complete this test.

Nasa is protected by which kingdom:

Mother Russia

Iran

Japan empire

Bimini(s)

All of the above

DO YOU GUYS NEED NUKE TESTING?

I KEEP RUNNING MY MICROWAVE

WHEN I’M TRYING TO BAKE OVEN STOVE

Just talked to my little sister. Tai chi after work.

Just talked to my little sister. Tai chi after work.

I got home from sushi, zen house, Hermantown.

I said yeah, that’s what cloquet needs, a smoke shop and a sushi barn.

I laugh about all the dead baby sea animals.

The octopus is really purple this time.

Just like jayla’s vagina.

Her husband thinks queef is spelt queif.

Like he’s fucking French or something.

My older sis has two boys and a husband.

They’re getting a house built this summer.

Already cut some trees for the driveway.

My dad has like 5 cord to split. Maybe 7 or 8.

I’ll probably feel less aggravated and anxious than last summer

Hopefully it’s cooler, without a flood AND a drought.

CLOQUET CHAMBER OF COMMERCE

CITY OF CLOQUET

QUIEF!? QUEEFQUEEF!!

I GOT A thousand dollar credit card.

For emergencies

And my credit score was 708

Banking, online is now wells fargo app.

Try to hack and hack and hack jack, hack.

Does pomegranate lemon sound good to you?

It’s way better than the period blood expired straight pom taint was like.

Maybe I never really let on about my dealings.

This is a brief on today’s changes.

For me personally, I still wish I could smoke

Vacuum bags upright

Time for another keg stand.

May day, 05/01 mom’s birthday 5/2

Mothers day 5/12

My birthday 5/20

Dad’s birthday is 6/16

Probably more Canadian fishing for dah…

I’ll might be aware

Of the film I set up

Memorial day weekend

And a smoldering stank bomb

Hooking up and paying for ac

45$/yr

I can’t afford a vacuum…

Maybe if I stone swallow

And buy new more beer

The cases on sale are cheapest

When they don’t or aren’t cantilevering

Hovering the minor stretch end out to seemingless nowhere.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I keep drinking beer and hosting parties with un.

I keep drinking beer and hosting parties with un.

As if I’m supposed to adhere to your fears.

Morsi loves his apple jacks in the morning

Putin, I’ve never thought about fucking around with

And obama likes that I’m in HIS country.

Yep, I’m from Kenya.

 

Tanzania as if the post scripts on twitter hang and fall off

 

AFRICA: CENTRAL

To kill a wildebeest

We got three back orders

The random about of animal guts

Is more like a half

Just like we do and get from whitetail.

I love you guys.

Nice time playing outside today.

It was like orchestrated

On a higher level

From one of my basements.

 

Let the good boy play.

I had an amazing time last night

Where I could finally get off

From the 3 pounds of steak I ate.

Right off the rib.

CRAVE: NIGHTCLUB

GOOD BYE MR. TEE

HELLOW DIRTY UNDERWEAR BASKET CASE MARMADUKE

That’s code for blister in the sun

LET ME GO ON.

Please, siiia, I love the way your beefcake tastes.

How dare I sign drunk.

It’s for the weakest of foos

To kick back the offense

Right in the shins,

Obama, hagel,

Give me a sign with a tweet and I’ll dominate the streets.

Syria, which teams?

Rangers 3? Marines 44?

Let’s get me a good double kick.

AND I’LL DESTROY THE REGIME

Assad never told me about the chem. Weapons.

Perhaps his hiding something

Will be a swift kick to the throat.

And ending another chapter, fake low, rise high.

IN FOR ROUND TWO.

IN FOR ROUND TWO.

IN MY FANTASYLAND

Sexboyexpo

I have a 5’8” Eskimo

And a redheaded Seminole

Making out with each other

While I skits and fritz

One on my face and the other on the dick,

SWITCH!!

 

I invented a machine to speak my thoughts for me

So I didn’t have to toss a bitch off.

Just to say, hey,  you’re on my face,

Would you mind alternating with your wifey

Keep kissing her, politely.

And hop on the seven incher.

Rub my balls or something.

OOPS, NO SPANKING!!

(GRABS HANDFULS OF ASS)

NAUGHTY, NAUGHTY.

 

So do you think you can find an arranged marriage,

Where their entire tribe didn’t object?

Fuck, it’s harder for me to get laid

Than  to type these monstrosities of bullshit;

We call, 3 drinks per page.

Anything, everything,

My women locked up in my hospital

And you’d wonder,

What the fuck kind of upbringing did this kid have,

To be so fucking rich?

Don’t blame me, I said,

I offer fair deals,

But the majority of the newest dead,

Are entirely total fuckups

But those that go on,

Trying to invest in me

My lord, my service,

Polite as ever, face to face,

I don’t want my 30’s to be this asexual hell,

So I brought it upon myself,

Entering the *TOP PRIORITY*

*OF HORNY*

to fuck the dirtiest sluts ever,

and they *ACTUALLY*

want to raise my babies.

Training Afghan Medics: The Language of Healing Pt3

The Official British Army Blog

Lisa’s Diary 2014

Captain Lisa Irwin Captain Lisa Irwin

Captain Lisa Irwin is a REME Reserve Officer currently on a three-year Full Time Reserve Service commitment with the Defence Cultural Specialist Unit.  She has spent 15 months learning Pashto and Dhari before deploying to Camp Bastion to be the 2 IC of a team of medical personnel set up to mentor Afghan medical personnel. This is her third tour of Afghanistan and her second blog, as she blogged during her last tour in 2010/2011, when she was deployed as a Female Engagement Team Commander.

24 Feb

We have had a testing few days as a team, after some Afghan patients presented at Shorabak with rare conditions including  acute leukaemia, a brain tumour and some kind of systemic infection that caused hydrocephalus (fluid on the brain). Two patients died despite our best efforts, which was very sad, but there was some benefit as we…

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