Script Part 2 (Franco-Mercedez)

 

Baby Come on

 

Travolta graham

 

Copter drop in

 

Panama canal

 

New migs

 

Wait, is this happening right now?

 

I finally got up to speed, sir.

 

Okay, you can start processing applicants.

 

What I heard is I was assisting the drug war.

 

You mean you’re the new drug dealer?

 

How many shipments do we have here?

 

48, sir.

 

Soo… 13 by boat?

 

45 by boat.

 

Shouldn’t \We be using our helicopters more?

 

Kurt, sell panama 15 migs for 3 million a piece.

 

Done.

 

Haven’t seen socom in a while.

 

How long you been down there, dude?

 

The shipment arrives tomorrow.

 

You mean the drugs, or the helicopters?

 

YES.

 

Both?

 

YES MEANS BOTH (UNISON WITH SOCOM)

 

KURT!!?! You’re revealing your power?

 

Sorry, I usually only show Nina my dragon.

 

Oh, so we’re using real names, this fucking trip?

 

It’s winter, I started drinking again.

 

Dude, we’re like RIGHT ON the fucking equator.

 

So… oh yeah, my winters don’t mean shit till spring.

 

 

 

Welcome to com base.

 

The new arrivals will meet you shortly

 

(Prince harry lead mig)

 

Hey,. Bro.

 

Yeah, you mean dad?

 

You mean your duchess baby momma hatched?

 

It’s in the poop troupe.

 

(fishing out drugs)

 

You’d be surprised what the queen has up her sleeve.

 

Uhh… a cuff?

 

More like an upper fucking cut, beotch!

 

Is this shit totally seedy?

 

There’s like four thousand nuts on the bottom.

 

That reminds me of brazil.

 

The nuts?

 

No, our weed delivery.

 

Oh yeah, fuckin’ spaccas.

 

Alpaca?

 

Is this a new wine collection commercial?

 

 

 

Red or white.

 

Got any blue?

 

UV good with you?

 

I make rose petals to snort mid-june.

 

And that’s how and why I love you?

 

Kurt, are you fucking in this one?

 

I dunno, I hate to demolish the ratings…

 

(tank explosion)

 

6-Star General – WHAT THE FUCK, MAAAUUUS!!!!

 

Sorry, I fucking double loaded choke holed.

 

So the tanks fucked.

 

Thanks for showing so much compassion for me.

 

Yeah, obviously.

 

(on headset)

 

So where the fuck are you?!?!

 

Under the tank.

 

They told me, it’d rip your face off.

 

Just like you would?

 

No, just like the fucking tank.

 

You’re aware it wasn’t moving.

 

No…. Remember, the tranny hostage shit?

 

Oh yeah, practically the Cuban missle crisis all over again.

 

I could probably do like 18 documentaries on that.

 

And it was your dad?

 

My dad’s not an it, sir.

 

 

 

Fuck.

 

What now, shanglemire?

 

This hot shot deuce just rimjobbed me.

 

DRINK MOTHA FUCKA DRINK MOTHER FUCKA, DRINK!!

 

 

 

Kurt, are you a fucking pussy, drinking Smirnoff?

 

Tell that to mother fucking Russia, beeeoooottttcccch.

 

How bout you fucking lay low for a while?

 

Like, back to under the tank?

 

That’s not my game, deuche.

 

 

 

Did hillary realize how much cussing we do?

 

Yeah, I heard a good one.

 

If you cuss like a sailor, how’s the marine corp?

 

I was tugging on a drop line (snorts coke)

 

AND I GOT MY FUCKING ANCHOR STUCK IN A WHALES VAGINA

 

So you’re tugging up hard?

 

Well, I for one, am DRUNK.

 

Let’s go shoot something.

 

6-star, you up?

 

I just taste-tested this BITCH.

 

Pretty sweet, haw?

 

Sweet like your mother.

 

My mom actually hates sweet wine.

 

Fruity yes, sweet, no.

 

Wow, good taste.

 

(quick shots of like 40 lines snorted)

 

 

 

Gernade launchers lined up tank at bottom of hill slope

 

Ready? Fuck no, you get training with these?

 

I’m a fucking helicopter pilot, dipshit.

 

What, you didn’t take general seal training?

 

I’m fucking british dumbass!!!

 

FIRE!! 75 GERNADE ROUNDS

 

 

 

So you love the blowing up shit part of training?

 

Fuck yeah, (ain’t that America plays)

 

For you and me,

 

Something to see, babyyyy

 

 

 

Kurt, it’s 3:30.

 

PM?

 

Nope, we should get some sleep.

 

 

 

Kurt, it’s 3:30.

 

AM?

 

Is this CST, WHAT THE FUCK??

 

 

 

Oh fuck, we got colors dress today.

 

I told you not to go flourecent.

 

What’s the term?

 

DUCKWORK ORANGE.

 

 

 

FLAMING ORANGE SUIT.

 

ACT II

 

 

 

Obama, addressing the “war on drugs”

 

Somewhat of a concession speech

 

 

 

Kurt, what did this mean to you?

 

Uhm, The war is over?

 

So you don’t have more enemies?

 

In my mind, it went from four and a half million Neanderthals and vampires

 

To the airwaves are clear, it’s mostly just my kids getting schooled in video games.

 

That’s why I hear kids calling you an asshole?

 

Is BRAND here?

 

Yessir.

 

What happens when you call me an asshole?

 

I either shit myself, or you screwed cookies.

 

You mean I fucked your ass, regardless of if you had to shit or not?

 

Yessir.

 

 

 

SPEECH, SPEECH, SPEECH.

 

Is this a wedding? What the fuck?

 

You’re getting married sir?

 

It was HER idea.

 

We would like to say that the drug war is officially over.

 

Yeah, guys, the cops ARE the drug dealers now.

 

OOHHHH… (CROWD) AAAAAHHHH

 

 

 

(Top generals at tables

 

Panama right, US left

 

Cameo soup.)

 

 

 

Powell: kurt, how much are you paying us for this mission?

 

5/20/82

 

do you want that in coke or blow?

 

 

 

Obama back to podium.

 

The thing is, our animalistic nature craves drugs, so that we can discover how much more human our care and compassion for our brothers and sisters can be.

 

 

 

Lance Armstrong commercial

 

Lance, I’ll pay you 5.2 mill to never do drugs again.

 

Fuck off, major.

 

Majorly?

 

No. How do I retire?

 

Do you want to train guys to do drugs and amass muscle?

 

Like, get guys big?

 

Yeah, that’s what I do.

 

 

 

WHO AMONGST US, ISN’T PAJORALLY AROUSED BY SUBSTANCE?

 

LOVE. IMMACULATE UNDISCOURAGING LOVE.

 

MY PEOPLE, WE HAVE CONQUERED THE WORLD

 

ON THE WORK HORSE OF SOLDIERS,

 

I PROCLAIM THE PERFECT MEN,

 

MY LORDS AND SAVIORS.

 

Filming

 

5/20 – 5/31 Labor day week and end.

 

Cruise, goose, heather, john

 

dr phil judge judy cameos (both generals)

 

12 million 4 million general bonus, speaking 3.5 mill

 

a gift to british migs brigade (flawless in Afghanistan) 12mill

 

My greatest gift to my Panamanian home body wife.

 

I’ll make you a 4 star for this, your immaculate service to the world’s canal

 

Like your birth tube. 34 billion paid to panama, opening weekend.

 

 

 

WHAT, ARE YOU AFRAID OF FUCKING GEURILLAS?!?!

 

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